White men can't jump, black men can't swim

Posts: 7839 Join date: 2010-04-22 Location: Purgatory

In the gym the other night having a sauna afterwards and there was three of us in there. Anyways there's a silence which one of the fellas decides it's too uncomfortable so he needs to break it. This is the gem he broke it with, "This sauna is good for your circulation. I love sports science, studied it" so the other fella and I look at each other and I ask empty head did he do his degree in it and he mutters something about not bothering as he'd end up a piss head or summat. Anyways he then comes out with this gem, "black people are bad swimmers cos their bone density is too heavy and the reason they can run long distances like the Ethopians is because they have to travel long distances for water". The other fella and I started laughing and I said he must have studied sports science at the Enoch Powell school of sports science and next he'll be telling us that the reason black people can run so fast is because of beng chased by lions to which he replied that that was true. I went for a swim to get away. The world is full of strange people, init?

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The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so sure of themselves, and wiser people are full of doubts

Posts: 7626 Join date: 2010-04-22 Age: 45 Location: Wales

how many black swimmers do well in the olympics though? lion bits rubbish as they would be like fucking torpedos in the water with the crocs. Remember that billy connoly sketch about the two wildlife photographers in the serengeti. This lion starts to get a bit fresh with them and starts to advance, anyway one of the guys takes his boots off and puts on a pair of reeboks. His mate looks at him and smiles ruefully, 'youll never outrun that lion mate' he says, the other replies I dont give a shit as long as I outrun you.

then there is the old one about the fakarwi tribe being good jumpers

Posts: 7626 Join date: 2010-04-22 Age: 45 Location: Wales

Applecore wrote:

then there is the old one about the fakarwi tribe being good jumpers

ying and yang mate, they were shit at finding their way home though hence the shortened version of their name.

Posts: 2536 Join date: 2010-04-25

steelaway wrote:

how many black swimmers do well in the olympics though? lion bits rubbish as they would be like fucking torpedos in the water with the crocs. Remember that billy connoly sketch about the two wildlife photographers in the serengeti. This lion starts to get a bit fresh with them and starts to advance, anyway one of the guys takes his boots off and puts on a pair of reeboks. His mate looks at him and smiles ruefully, 'youll never outrun that lion mate' he says, the other replies I dont give a shit as long as I outrun you.

one of my favorites was the prescription windscreen

Posts: 932 Join date: 2010-08-18 Age: 34

Scoff` wrote:

steelaway wrote:

how many black swimmers do well in the olympics though? lion bits rubbish as they would be like fucking torpedos in the water with the crocs. Remember that billy connoly sketch about the two wildlife photographers in the serengeti. This lion starts to get a bit fresh with them and starts to advance, anyway one of the guys takes his boots off and puts on a pair of reeboks. His mate looks at him and smiles ruefully, 'youll never outrun that lion mate' he says, the other replies I dont give a shit as long as I outrun you.

one of my favorites was the prescription windscreen

When he joked about it to his dad and his dad took him seriously?! Genius.

Best tale ever is when he was in Ibiza with his family. I almost choked to death when I first heard it. (its an old one but definately worth finding on youtube.

Posts: 1220 Join date: 2010-04-23 Age: 71

Applecore wrote:

then there is the old one about the fakarwi tribe being good jumpers

Where the fakarwi. bounce

Posts: 7626 Join date: 2010-04-22 Age: 45 Location: Wales

Posts: 932 Join date: 2010-08-18 Age: 34

Thankyou!!!

I saw billy on the empire when he used to wear his banana skin boots, he was like that all night, he is very funny.

Admin Posts: 3908 Join date: 2010-04-25

Applecore wrote:

I saw billy on the empire when he used to wear his banana skin boots, he was like that all night, he is very funny.

When Ken Bigley was being held captive Connolly was reported to have said "I wish they would hurry up and just kill him", presumably to get a laugh out of the extensive media coverage of the last few weeks of Ken's life.

I have thought the man a total cunt since.

http://news.scotsman.com/billyconnolly/Crowd-angered-by-Connollys-get.2569818.jp

Fucking idiot

Subject: Re: White men can't jump, black men can't swim Sun Sep 12, 2010 8:51 am

moretonsteve wrote:

Applecore wrote:

I saw billy on the empire when he used to wear his banana skin boots, he was like that all night, he is very funny.

When Ken Bigley was being held captive Connolly was reported to have said "I wish they would hurry up and just kill him", presumably to get a laugh out of the extensive media coverage of the last few weeks of Ken's life.

I have thought the man a total cunt since.

http://news.scotsman.com/billyconnolly/Crowd-angered-by-Connollys-get.2569818.jp

Fucking idiot

Yes I remember that, I think most people thought the same but it doesn't take away the fact he used to be very funny

Admin Posts: 3908 Join date: 2010-04-25

Applecore wrote:

moretonsteve wrote:

Applecore wrote:

I saw billy on the empire when he used to wear his banana skin boots, he was like that all night, he is very funny.

When Ken Bigley was being held captive Connolly was reported to have said "I wish they would hurry up and just kill him", presumably to get a laugh out of the extensive media coverage of the last few weeks of Ken's life.

I have thought the man a total cunt since.

http://news.scotsman.com/billyconnolly/Crowd-angered-by-Connollys-get.2569818.jp

Fucking idiot

Yes I remember that, I think most people thought the same but it doesn't take away the fact he used to be very funny

Don't give a shit what he did before or since, the man is a cunt and I sincerely hope he dies a painful, violent death, spread out over two weeks with no one speaking your language and then see how many gags he can fuking think of then.

Twat

Subject: Re: White men can't jump, black men can't swim Sun Sep 12, 2010 9:02 am

moretonsteve wrote:

Applecore wrote:

moretonsteve wrote:

When Ken Bigley was being held captive Connolly was reported to have said "I wish they would hurry up and just kill him", presumably to get a laugh out of the extensive media coverage of the last few weeks of Ken's life.

I have thought the man a total cunt since.

http://news.scotsman.com/billyconnolly/Crowd-angered-by-Connollys-get.2569818.jp

Fucking idiot

Yes I remember that, I think most people thought the same but it doesn't take away the fact he used to be very funny

Don't give a shit what he did before or since, the man is a cunt and I sincerely hope he dies a painful, violent death, spread out over two weeks with no one speaking your language and then see how many gags he can fuking think of then.

Twat

I think he took a dive after that and deservedly so, He was probably using the black humour of the shipyards that doesn't go down well with ordinary folk, ill advised and I'm sure he didn't run it before his wife who is a psychologist, Pamela would have given him a right fucking for that one.

Posts: 1220 Join date: 2010-04-23 Age: 71

A lot of his sense of humour does not appeal to most people

I wasn`t aware of what you all said he did.

He did a docum/tv here from coast to coast,it was down to earth,and full of his stuff

The Inuits never did comprehend his jokes..

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Then who blames them.